The Case For Forgiveness

This article has been updated on this website.

"The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

 Mahatma Gandhi

the second of two characters that spell forgiveness in Chinese (pronounced "shu")

In this post I talked about the fact that it is our energy state, not our thoughts, that creates our reality.  If we want to attract a better, more abundant life, it is our energy, rather than our thoughts, that needs to change.

This begs the question; how do I change my energy? 

The single most important thing you can do to change your energy is to sincerely forgive yourself and others. 
Until fairly recently, I kindof thought of forgiveness as letting someone off the hook after I was angry with them for a sufficient time period.  Of course all of this was arbitrary, but after an apology or some other act of good will, or if I had simply been angry for enough time, it was right for me to "forgive and forget."  Throughout my childhood I was asked "will you forgive me?" when a parent or some other mature person made some mistake that hurt me.  Perhaps that is why I believed that my forgiveness was an act of charity towards someone else that allowed them to have peace of mind.  Almost as if I was doing the other person a favor by forgiving them.  I don't think I was in a mature enough state of mind to decipher whether or not my forgiveness was sincere. 

The truth is, sincere forgiveness does have the effect of freeing someone from bondage, but that person is you.  The forgiven will still need to work things out for themselves, and you may be able to help them, but make no mistake about it, forgiveness benefits the forgiver far more than the forgiven.

I recently spoke with a woman from Holland who was a very successful artist-- until about 12 years ago.  That is when she and her husband divorced, and in the settlement all he wanted was her art.  She interpreted this as his attempt to take away her art, and with it, her soul.  She threw paint on all of her masterpieces, and gave them to her husband.  The divorce was finalized, she had the house, the nice car, and plenty of money, and he had the ruined paintings.  She was so angry that he took her art from her that she could no longer bring herself to paint again.  I spoke with her about 6 months ago.  Even after more than a decade of time had passed, the fire and fury inside of her were just as strong as if the divorce had taken place the day before.  She had since lost all of her money, sold her house and car, and was living in poverty.  Her anger cankered her soul.  Clinging so tightly to the anger was like drinking poison, and hoping that her ex-husband would get sick from it.

One of the miracles of forgiveness is that it can literally be instantaneous.  Intellectually this woman had known for years she needed to let go of all the anger and negativity, but when I talked to her, she felt no hope that should ever could.
Within a couple of weeks however, she was painting again, and within a couple of months had sold her first original painting in over 12 years.  Who knows where her ex-husband is today.  She had not heard from him in years, and she was quite confident that he did not know how far she had fallen.  Most likely he was living his life, unaware of her misery, unaware of any level of forgiveness or lack thereof.

How did she turn her life around?  How can you heal through forgiveness?  It is probably easier than you think.

1) first, realize that all of your beliefs about the world (and the people in the world) are your own creation.  They most likely are not reflections of reality.  I've never met the man who asked for her art in the divorce settlement, but it is entirely possible (I think highly likely) that he did not intend to create such anger in his wife.  It is even possible that he felt like he was extending an olive branch by asking for no financial support, and wanting to take something that she could so easily replace.  I don't know what his intentions were, and neither does the woman I spoke with.  Even when we feel like we are sure that our interpretation of what happened is correct, that doesn't mean that the offending party had the same interpretation.  They could be "wrong," but to them their interpretation of what is happening is just as real as yours is to you.

2) Second, even if you cannot forgive someone by giving them the benefit of the doubt and admitting that you are not all-knowing, you can still forgive yourself and others by remembering that everyone is doing the best they can, at their level of evolution.
This was an enormous discovery for me.  All of us, you and me, and the worst criminals in history, are doing the best we can, at our current level of evolution.  When we are inspired we make better choices.  The only time we will ever choose to do something that would harm ourselves or others is when we are operating at a lower energy level.  When I recognize that I live in an abundant universe full of opportunity and joy, I don't feel the need to cheat others or steal from them, etc.  But on a lower level of evolution, I might not see the abundance and might truly believe that the best choice for me is to cheat others in some way.  Some people are operating on even lower levels of energy, and believe that they need to abuse others to feel loved.
Ultimately, everyone is doing the best they can, at their current level of evolution.  So if you made a really stupid mistake and you are still beating yourself up for it, guess what, you were doing the best you could, with the level of understanding you had at the time, and at your level of evolution at that time.  As a result of continuing to live and learn and grow, you may have developed and advanced beyond that level of evolution, and it may sicken you to think about the fact that at one point in your life you made some bad choices.  Now you can get over it.  That was so yesterday.  That's old, you're new, say goodbye and move on from that experience.  You can forgive yourself, completely and sincerely.  Understanding this will make it much easier to forgive others also.
Remembering this also help you feel compassion for those who may have hurt or abused you.  Their energy was at such a low level that they felt like the only way to feel secure was to dominate and hurt you.  Understanding this truth allows you to feel true compassion for them, and sincere forgiveness as well.

3) Finally, you can ask a loving Heavenly Father to help you forgive.  Start with yourself.  When you have sincerely forgiven yourself, you will feel so much love in your heart that it will seem completely natural to forgive others.

Forgiveness is the key to neutralizing negative energy, so you can put yourself in a position to attract more joy and abundance into your life.  I believe all humans are on this Earth mostly to learn how to find pure joy.  Forgiveness is the first, essential step.